I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
