yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
