he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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