Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
