Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
