when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
