I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How does it feel to date your dad?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
