I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
