"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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