It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize