Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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