Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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