Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
