3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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