Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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