Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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