i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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