i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
