sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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