My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
