i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
