Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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