we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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