I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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