Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
