Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
