Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize