saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is the high leading the old right now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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