so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
