i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
