I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
