he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
