??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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