Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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