Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
