Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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