It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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