I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
