Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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