you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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