Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
