Kiss
Puke
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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