Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
