On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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