Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
