I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
