We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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