Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
