He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
