So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
