you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
