Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
