My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
