i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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