It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
