Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize