So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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