oh god the rape fog is back!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
