All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
