How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
