Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
