apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
