In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
