I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
