i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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