Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
