Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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