It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
