Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
