I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
