i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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