this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
