I wish you could order shots online.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
